Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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