remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
