I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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