he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
