Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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