mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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