he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
