I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
