R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
