you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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