I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
