last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
