it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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