You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
