Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
