and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
