his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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