Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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