Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
