Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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