When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
