Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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