I'm jealous of your bromance
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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