Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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