Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
