Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
