The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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