You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The air was thick with penises
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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