I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
