I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
