I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
