"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
