That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
