Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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