I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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