I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
