well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
