you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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