I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
