i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
