she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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