make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
