I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
