he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
