im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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