During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
