i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Brb crying the tears of my youth
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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