I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
