then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
