My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
