I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
