i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
